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There are difficulties or conflicts in every relationship. There often initially seems to be no solution to certain conflict constellations between couples, which have usually built up over a long period of time.
Since such difficulties and problems creep into a partnership over a long period of time and spread or build up little by little, they may only be recognized late. Typical identifying features can be:
- persistent boredom
- pent up anger, frustration
- emotional isolation
- fading intimacy/passion
- constant arguments and discussions
- Infidelity, affair, cheating
- excessive jealousy
- Fears, lack of trust, sleep disorders, depressed mood
- no time together
- little communication and withdrawal
- hushed up problems
- constant blaming, nagging and repetitive criticism
This is often the point at which communication completely subsides, which often ends in a separation.
It also often happens that a few more or less desperate rescue attempts are made - usually by a relationship partner.
However, cynically, these do not have the desired effect and even cause the partners to move further away from each other. Such behavior includes, among others:
- start a discussion with your partner
- mere expressions of intent to change in the future
- have the firm belief that you can change your partner
- Have hope that everything will fall into place and remain passive
- Repeat like a prayer wheel that you love your partner
- tensely “working” on the relationship
- constantly blaming the other partner (i.e. hidden blame)
But thanks to professional and competent couples therapy, it doesn't have to come to that.
Examples of methods used in couples therapy:
- Conversation according to Carl Rogers
- Mediation techniques
- Role plays from Gestalt therapy
- Communication training
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It is important that both partners are internally ready to accept and receive the independent and superior help of the therapist. For those who are seriously interested in saving their relationship, couples therapy is a promising path to a future harmonious togetherness that can also cope with conflicts.
A crisis is always an opportunity to challenge, support and grow from one another. This is how a relationship crisis should be understood in order to overcome it successfully.
The following behavior helps reduce tension and ensure a functioning and happy relationship:
- active interest in the partner
- talk to each other, listen
- vibrant sexuality
- Express wishes and needs
- look for solutions together
- Reducing stress
- Admit mistakes and apologize
- Develop and show gratitude
- joint activities and actively spent free time
Specialist psychologist for couples therapy in Zurich
Frank Margulies, for example, is one such contact person for mediating therapy between couples. The specialist psychologist for psychotherapy professional couples therapy based on the latest scientific standards with a lot of know-how, a high level of empathy and the necessary compassion .
Couples therapy in Zurich with Frank Margulies is carried out exclusively using scientifically proven methods and long-term proven therapy concepts that bring actual benefit to the couple seeking help.
Type and extent of therapy
Of course, the partners must bring some time to each therapy session. A couples counseling session usually lasts one hour, but can last up to 90 minutes.
On couples counseling is always about dealing constructively with negative emotions in a relationship. These have a destructive effect on a relationship through emotional withdrawals, attacks or escalations.
On the other hand, it is always about the positive restoration of closeness and familiarity , which both partners long for so much inside. The joint design of activities, future planning but also successful conversations and of course sexuality are on the agenda at this important stage of the counseling process.
Once the problems in a relationship have been discussed and dealt with therapeutically, it is now a matter of enabling each partner to maintain the feeling of connection for a certain period of time even when the other partner is not present.
For this purpose, Frank Margulies' Zurich practice for couples therapy uses the basic therapeutic principles of so-called emotion-focused therapy and person-centered conversation psychotherapy according to Rogers . In addition, a systemic and holistic approach to the sessions is important so that lasting success that is satisfactory for both partners is possible.
Important questions about couples therapy
Before you actually take the step of finding a suitable therapist, a number of questions may arise. We will try to briefly answer the most common questions.
Does my partner have to come with me?
No. Even if you come alone, changes are possible. Maybe your partner hasn't yet grasped the seriousness of the situation or doesn't feel ready to take this step yet. He may also not be open to psychological counseling.
In such cases, you can definitely set a good example to get initial advice and important feedback. It may well be that your partner senses your first successes and then follows your example.
Does a therapist’s gender matter?
In general, the success of such therapy certainly does not depend on the gender of your therapist. It may be that a woman or a man is better able to bring in a gender-specific perspective in certain situations. Nevertheless, couples therapists are trained to adequately empathize with both genders.
There are also couples counselors and therapists who offer counseling from a mixed-sex therapist couple. If you have any doubts about choosing a therapist, this alternative could be an option for you.
Can counseling save my relationship?
This question can be answered with a clear “yes”. This is entirely possible and not uncommon. A consultant is a neutral, third person who is not involved in your problems and difficulties and can therefore give you valuable and, above all, unbiased feedback.
Therefore, he/she can sensitize you to certain things, hold a mirror up to you, or expand your field of vision in a way that allows you to see new solutions.
Advice in a difficult situation is therefore always helpful and recommended for you. Of course, no one can give you a guarantee of success and every case is different.
Couples counseling is always an opportunity - but nothing more.
What costs should I expect?
Quality has its price. Usual hourly rates for relationship counselors and therapists are between €85 – €160 per hour or per session (approx. 50 minutes).
How many individual sessions are recommended depends on the individual case and can also be discussed with the consultant in the first session. This allows you to quickly set out a rough framework.
There are also partnership advisors who set their hourly rates depending on the income of the people they advise or accommodate them.
It is also possible to contribute to the costs through a health insurance company through additional insurance. This service is called “non-medical psychotherapy” and is always part of the usual additional services.
Ask the therapist of your choice in advance whether they are recognized by health insurance companies for such services. You can also take out such additional insurance with another insurance company completely independently of your compulsory health insurance.
What should I pay attention to during the consultation hours?
Try to avoid trying to get the therapist on your side right from the start.
This is a frequently observed phenomenon during such consultations, but it is very counterproductive and is usually not very successful.
Basically, this attitude simply means that you want to be proven right and that your partner's undesirable behavior can be remedied with the help of the counselor. This expectation is not uncommon, but it jeopardizes the success of the therapy.
You - as well as your partner - must accept that the more pressure people put on them, the less willing they are to change. On the contrary, they defend themselves against an attacker and his real or imaginary allies. This causes fronts to harden and trenches to become even deeper.
At the same time, you should not go into counseling expecting that the therapist will solve your problems for you. Couples therapy can provide inspiration, but it cannot mend a relationship. The couple has to do this themselves.
How can you recognize an incompetent therapist?
Therapists who appear bossy and are unwilling to discuss their methods are not suitable for clarifying relationships. Suggesting gloomy doomsday scenarios in the event of therapy being discontinued or therapist changing are also a sign of a bad counselor.
How do you find out which therapist is best for you?
You should primarily rely on your own gut feeling because you perceive much more intuitively than you do rationally. It's important that you feel comfortable and also develop trust so that you can open up. This also includes the feeling that the therapist is competent and knows his craft.
You can get further insights into the work of a couples therapist in the following SPIEGEL article: Couples therapy: “Endurance the pain” .
