Are you currently single or in an unhappy relationship ? And you probably often ask yourself why the right partner doesn't come knocking on your door, right?
Maybe you just went through a painful breakup and are still processing it. Then you may be wondering whether it's really worth mourning your ex now.
Even if rain clouds are figuratively moving over you at the moment, Mr. Right can be waiting for you at the next corner. Because the following applies: just because you haven't found your dream partner yet, it doesn't have to stay that way - it's up to you to change it.
Photography by Colee Zhu
Everyone knows happy couples in their circle of friends to whom the statement “Two people really met and found each other” applies. These partners harmonize with each other and complement each other in many ways.
At the same time, love is also strengthened by differences between partners. Of course, arguments and discussions are also part of it, but without injuries or humiliation.
When we see this kind of happy partnership in other couples, and we're not so lucky at the moment, it affects us.
But please don't think that these relationships last so long for no reason and just because of coincidence and/or good luck. A good partnership is, above all, associated with work.
It is not self-evident that harmony and harmony determine the partnership. Everyday life, work and perhaps even children place demands on each partner. If love and the relationship are not nurtured, both can gradually become damaged and slowly break down.
But everyone has the basic building blocks for a relationship to grow and have a long lifespan. But first, let's take a look at the most common causes and reasons why a relationship doesn't work and breaks up.
Reasons for relationship failure
If you've had several relationships that didn't last long, but you're mostly looking for stability, then you've probably often asked yourself the question "why" - or whether there's a way to get your ex back win.
Of course, there is no clear answer to this question, but for many people, some factors repeat themselves over and over again in every relationship. They are often partially aware of this, but are still unable to change anything and get rid of habits that contribute to the failure of a relationship. What factors am I talking about?
They are always interested in the same type of man/woman
Many people often choose similar types of people for a relationship - visually and in character. Here you are (often unconsciously) influenced by your upbringing and father or mother figure.
Do you find yourself here? Do you know the sentence “Why do I keep falling for the same type of man/woman” ? Then it's time to change something! “magnetizing” to you at first glance Get to know and appreciate new character traits and be open to people who are good for you.
They find it difficult to be alone
People who slide from one relationship to the next often have problems with being alone. But the time of “being alone” between two relationships is incredibly important in order to find yourself again.
Only when you are at peace with your life again and can accept and, ideally, enjoy your time as single, do you have a real chance in a new relationship.
You feel lonely in your relationship
If this is the case, several factors often come together. The ideas you had about a partnership have not come true. You may not talk enough about your wishes and ideas - your partner may not even know that you are not feeling well.
Only you can change something like this. If your partner understands your needs, both of you can work on the relationship.
You always want to please your partner
In relationships where there is an imbalance, one person focuses too much on the needs of the other. In order to avoid arguments or as a sign of love , one partner tries to do as much as possible for the other. And this is exactly where a big mistake lies.
Those who give too much lose their attractiveness and self-confidence. This allows the receiving partner to dominate and perhaps lose respect and curiosity about the other person. A relationship like this cannot last.
After several disappointments in different relationships, it is of course difficult to think positively and develop confidence in the future.
However, it is important that you give every potential new partner the chance to act as if the negative experiences had never happened.
Don't take this the wrong way. The negative experiences are yours. They influenced you and you may have learned something from them. But no other person should be judged too much by your negative experiences.
When getting to know each other, start from scratch and make as few comparisons to your exes as possible.
Some basic rules for a positive development in your next partnership
Photography by Jairo Cajilima
Accept yourself
Many people look for confirmation for themselves through a partner. Of course, it is important that my partner finds me attractive and likes the way I am. But this is an elementary requirement for a relationship anyway.
First and foremost, it is important that I like myself and accept myself as I am. If I am happy with myself, I radiate this. If I can't love or accept myself, how can anyone else?
In today's society, perfectionism is celebrated. This makes it difficult for us to accept mistakes and criticisms or not to see them as important.
But if you reflect on the right values and deal with yourself, you can get to know yourself better and consciously decide which attributes you like about yourself or whether you want to change something.
So before you wish to be loved by someone else, find out how you feel about yourself.
Take your partner as he is
In many relationships it is the case that at the beginning you find everything good about the other person. Over time, you get to know each other better, and therefore also qualities and traits that you don't like. If this is the case, it is the wrong way to want to change the other person if he doesn't want it himself.
Here the decision often has to be made as to whether I can accept the other person as they actually are. If I can't do that, I should question the relationship.
Photography by Everton Vila
Women in particular often want to change their men because they only “mean well” towards them . However, this paternalism only leads to arguments and distances the two partners from each other.
Even if the new partner seems perfect, know that no one is. Allow yourself and others to have their own peculiarities, this is often what makes a person special.
But if fundamental values or morals cannot be united, it is often better to go separate ways and accept this - better sooner than later. In many relationships, this is often suppressed for a long time, even though you quickly notice what makes the other person tick.
Have things in common – allow yourself freedom
Does your partner have a hobby that you are not enthusiastic about? That's why he often spends his free time with others. This isn't a bad thing, it can actually be good for your relationship. Just like spending time together, it is also important to meet other people or be alone with yourself.
Use your partner time wisely by doing things that bring you both joy and bring you together.
But if it stays within limits, don't blame your partner for meeting friends or having a club life. Think about what you like to do without your partner.
It enriches your relationship when other people are part of your life and your partner is not always the center of your life. Planned activities together become special moments and everyday life has no chance of letting your relationship fall asleep.
Talk to each other
Everyone actually knows how important conversations are for a relationship. But it is precisely because of this problem that many partnerships fail. Stress, monotony in everyday life, feeling misunderstood – all these supposed “little things” push TALKING TOGETHER into the background.
Photography by Anneliese Phillips
Don't force conversations in your relationship, but create situations in which communication happens on its own: eating together, going for a walk, hiking,...
Different interests can also lead to stimulating conversations. One partner shares his views or knowledge - the other can learn from it or discuss it.
But also talk about things if there is something between you and perhaps a problem needs to be discussed.
But here too, sensitivity is required. Anyone who overwhelms their partner in an unfavorable situation with a conversation or accusations will probably fail. Start the conversation with your partner the way you would like it to be for yourself.
You may now find points here that you had problems with in previous relationships. Think about what the causes of your previous arguments were, what happened again in different relationships - and what you might be able to change.
And finally…
Go through life with a positive attitude
And if the next man you meet doesn't turn out to be the man of your dreams, chalk it up as another "experience" . There is no point in always asking yourself the question “Why is love just not working out for me? ”
They are largely responsible for their own happiness. In this article you have now found out how you can actively help this happen. If you are still not sure, read this article carefully from the beginning.
Enjoy the positive sides of being single if a relationship doesn't work out or the right one is still waiting for you! Try to socialize with people and do whatever you feel like doing - even if you do it alone, or with acquaintances, friends, family, colleagues.
Live the freedom of not having to make any compromises! If you can do this and radiate your joy in your own life, you will also become more interesting to the opposite sex. And who knows, maybe your dream prince will suddenly appear in front of you...
Address the previous points in the text. These are not platitudes, but suggestions and advice developed from experience and life that may help you find a partner. I wish you all the luck with all my heart!
