Relationship crisis - What to do if there is a crisis right at the beginning of the relationship?

After the infatuation phase, in which you butterflies in your stomach relationship crisis occurs .

Our partner no longer seems perfect to us and we wonder how we could have overlooked each other's flaws and quirks. Arguments break out and everyday life as a couple is put to the test.

Understandably, there is a lot of uncertainty if there is a crisis right at the beginning of the relationship. One wonders how the relationship will survive in the future without a stable foundation. But this is exactly the moment when you shouldn't give up.

You have the opportunity to be an active part of making your relationship work, especially if it feels challenging rather than easy. In some stuck situations it is often enough if we stop obsessively thinking about things. It is helpful to focus back on ourselves.

Has someone who played a significant role in your life ever given up everything without fighting for their relationship?

This question may make you think, and relationship coaches and couples counselors like our guest author Franziska Müller can confirm that many people in our environment tend to give up on relationships too early. Often this occurs not because of rational thought or deep insight, but rather because of limiting beliefs that reduce the space for true reflection.

In today's dynamic world, dominated by social media and user-friendly online dating platforms, we are constantly being given the message that it is perfectly acceptable to deny responsibility for our interpersonal relationships and honesty - both with ourselves and with each other others – to be neglected.

This development leaves many individuals with the impression that breaking ties is a harmless option, rather than facing the challenges of a serious relationship and seeking solutions.

As a result, a growing number of people feel confirmed in their behavior and are encouraged to not only escape their responsibilities, but also increasingly see this as normal.

Communication is often only carried out sporadically or is omitted altogether - a situation that has profound emotional consequences for many people out there. It is painful to realize how such a lack of commitment and escape from personal obligations can be hurtful. When we avoid the challenges of life and love, we not only deprive ourselves of valuable experiences and insights, but we also harm those around us.

This makes it all the more important that we consciously deal with our feelings and act responsibly - for our own well-being and that of those we care about.

Only through open communication and active engagement can we improve the quality of our relationships and perhaps even experience love at its most beautiful. So let's think together about how we can break these patterns and restore honest connection.

Decisive phase for the stability of the partnership

The phase after the initial feeling of falling in love has subsided determines the later stability of the relationship . It is normal for arguments to arise when the differences between the two relationship partners become more and more apparent.

It is now important to communicate honestly and openly with one another and to provide constructive criticism without hurting the other person. Regular relationship discussions and joint consideration of compromises for conflict situations are the be-all and end-all of a healthy and stable couple relationship.

Learning to accept your partner, including their flaws and quirks, and becoming aware of the true qualities of the relationship is the goal that we should strive for.

Floating on cloud nine is over and it will never feel like being in love at the beginning, but if the phase of coming to terms with oneself as a couple is successfully mastered, the relationship will be characterized by deep love and stability.

What makes good communication?

Good communication is therefore important for the stability of the relationship. But how do I give constructive criticism and have meaningful relationship discussions? In addition to the honesty and openness already mentioned, it is important to avoid generalizations and formulate “I” messages .

For example, the statement “You never let me finish!” generalizing and also not formulated as an I-message. It would be better to address the conflict situation specifically and tell your partner what feelings and thoughts it triggers in you personally: “It hurts and annoys me that I cannot express my opinion on the topic being discussed.”

Furthermore, care should be taken not to formulate wishes as accusations and to be aware that fulfilling a wish is by no means an obligation. An example of an accusation would be: “You never bring me flowers!” , which could be expressed as a wish like this: “I would be very happy if you brought me flowers .”

Good communication includes not only talking to each other respectfully and empathetically, but also active listening . Active listening means listening to what is being said with impartiality and compassion. If something is not understood, the listener asks what it is meant and also pays conscious attention to the speaker's facial expressions and gestures.

How can we revitalize our partnership? Tips from a couples counselor

Let's be honest: What is it that we actually want in a relationship? Deep down, we long for our partner to respond to us with actions and words based on unconditional love:

“I will support you in achieving your goals. I motivate you to become the best version of yourself. And I love you even more because you also reveal your weaknesses and mistakes to me.”

You have the opportunity to be an active part of making your relationship work, especially if it feels challenging rather than easy. In some stuck situations it is often enough if we stop obsessively thinking about things. It is helpful to focus back on ourselves.

Here are four steps you can take to save your relationship and get it back on a positive path:

Tip 1: Discover your self-love

In interpersonal relationships, fears such as fear of loss or fear of commitment can lead to us becoming dependent on our partner. This can lead us to unconsciously exceed our partner's personal space and thereby restrict it.

It's important to differentiate between your true self and the behaviors that arise from your fears. My tip is therefore: develop your strengths and remain authentic. Indulge in activities that bring you joy. You do not depend on your partner to meet all of your needs. Because you are an independent individual with your own wishes and needs.

By consciously taking time for yourself, you increase your satisfaction and self-esteem. This has a positive effect on the relationship. Because only when both partners love themselves can love for each other blossom again.

Tip 2: Less control, more trust

When fear hits us, we tend to dwell too much on the past or think too hard about the future. We try to keep everything under control and believe that we need a plan for every situation.

A plan for today, for the day ahead and – of course – for our relationships. Expectations continue to rise due to our urge to plan, until eventually – as you can imagine – everything collapses like a house of cards.

Notice anything? In your quest for control, you lose yourself. The truth is: In fact, you can't control anything! Control is an illusion . The only thing you can truly learn to control is your own reactions.

And this is exactly where you should start. Ask yourself:

• How do I react in certain situations that cause me anxiety? For example, if you don't trust your relationship.
• Try it the other way around and ask yourself: How much trust do I have in myself?
• What can I gain from this thought to better tailor my reactions to myself?

The more self-assured you become, the more your confidence will grow.

Tip 3: Dare to communicate openly

Communication is the central tool in a relationship. It is crucial that it comes from the heart and is sincere. Only when we are able to clearly articulate what we feel and talk about our wants and needs does another person have the opportunity to truly understand us.

Although it can sometimes be uncomfortable to find honest and sincere words in moments of fear or uncertainty, it frees you and creates a space in which you can grow together. Actively take time out of your hectic everyday life and establish a trusting atmosphere.

Your conversation should not be affected by external disturbances. This means: turn off your cell phones. Try to put your true feelings into words without criticizing yourself. Here is the space to allow honesty.

Tip 4: Active listening

Giving time and undivided attention is often more valuable than any material gesture. Listen carefully to your partner and actively work to truly understand their desires. Appreciation and respect are of central importance. Behind every wish, every fear and every resistance there is a deep need.

When your partner verbalizes these feelings, they are giving you insight into their personality and how they want to be loved in the relationship. Through your communication, you explore together who you want to be. Encourage each other! Make the choice to express all aspects of your personality to inform yourself, your relationship, and your community that it is perfectly okay to be authentic: real, truthful, and powerful.

Not only is this acceptable, but it plays an essential role in your relationship and yours!

Regardless of your inner thoughts, it is crucial to communicate respectfully, promptly and honestly. Your partner will benefit from this loving type of communication. Ultimately, both sides win – through closeness and understanding .

Personal couples counseling as conflict resolution

Psychological counseling and couples counseling are possible no matter at what point in the relationship. This step is usually only considered when the problems have already manifested themselves and the resulting conflicts are difficult to resolve.

couples counseling center or seek psychological help in the early years

If the couple feels overwhelmed trying to resolve the conflicts themselves or needs guidance from a third person, psychological couples counseling is definitely worth considering.

Especially due to additional external burdens such as the Corona crisis, overcoming the relationship crisis alone seems almost impossible.

Tip: The Institute for Counseling & Health of our guest author and couples counseling expert Franziska Müller in Kreuzlingen (Switzerland) also offers psychological couples counseling online via Skype if the distance is too far or on-site counseling is not possible for other reasons.