When we have been abandoned, we are in a deep hole and want nothing more than to leave this state as quickly as possible. It would make sense to simply fall in love again and thus escape the pain. This post is about whether this makes sense or not.
Based on my experience in relationship practice, I will say this straight away: escaping the pain of separation by falling in love again will not be my recommendation in this article. However, we look at both sides, both the advantages and disadvantages of a new relationship after a separation or divorce .
Benefits: Enjoy moments of flirting
It's obvious what we get out of a new relationship shortly after a breakup: Flirting with someone again can be a relaxing and nice distraction and bring us joy and lightness in life - even if it's just for 10 minutes . During this time, our pain can fade into the background and our self-esteem is stabilized.
Experiencing that we have charisma and attractiveness gives us impetus for the future and shows us that we are on the right path and that changes are possible. Such contacts and flirtations can strengthen us. As long as these are not the only resource for our emotional stability, we should enjoy them.
Disadvantages: Consequences of a hasty partnership
Do you know people who have never been alone in their lives? Perhaps from a young age onwards, you went straight from home to a shared apartment with your partner. After a breakup, they find themselves in a new relationship incredibly quickly, or they are already in the new relationship before the previous relationship is actually over.
Behind this is often the inability to be alone or the belief that you can't. For these people, it would be an important step in their personal development to deal with this topic in order not to be dependent on a partnership, but also to be able to live alone.
If we can't be alone or we are overwhelmed by the pain, we can look for the solution outside - for example, by quickly falling in love again after a breakup
separation pain outside . Life crises ask us to turn to our inner self and grow personally. If we avoid them completely, this growth task will come back to us somewhere else.
Three disadvantages of a new committed relationship
If we enter into a new, permanent relationship within a very short period of time, it has a number of consequences.
I would like to name three of them here:
- We cover the pain as if under a veil and feel it less or no longer at all because we are in love or close to the new partner.
- We take opportunities to calmly deal with ourselves and our emotional world, to reflect, to learn and to grow personally.
- We will not be able to properly “test” the new partner because he will take on more of the role of pain relief. Maybe he doesn't suit us, but we don't really notice.
We hide the pain under a veil
This veil over the pain helps and works and every person is free to decide for or against this option. Because the pain caused by the separation does not go away because we fall in love again. We carry him with us and he will almost certainly meet us again somewhere else if he gets the chance. Because feelings only want one thing: to be felt and expressed.
At this point I would mainly like to give you the impulse to take care of yourself and your current separation issues before you enter into a new, permanent relationship.
Both benefit from this: you meet a new partner with a healed and open heart. And your future partner will not have to unconsciously take on the healing function.
Here you will also find out what the separation phases are.
