Romance scamming is getting worse – protect yourself with this guide

One day in the summer of 2020, Ms. Müller (not her real name) home alone when she received a friend request on Facebook from an attractive stranger. He introduced himself as Johnny, a Danish doctor stationed in Africa.

Kathrin, who is 69 years old, often received friend requests from single men. They usually fell into the same category: good looking, successful, and stationed in another country.

“I never accepted these friend requests,”

she said in an interview with Insider ,

“but there was something about this one. I don’t know if it was the mood I was in at the time or what.”

She decided to accept Johnny's friend request.

“I had been widowed for 12 years at that point and had never looked for another romance,”

she continued.

“My heart was still married to my husband. I've never been on dating sites. I never went to clubs or bars looking for someone, but this man came into my living room.”

Over the next few months, Kathrin was drawn into a whirlwind romance. Johnny messaged her daily, sending pictures of himself and telling stories about his two children and his wife, who he said was dying of leukemia. It wasn't long before he explained how much he loved Kathrin and asked her to look for houses they could eventually move into together and to look at schools for the children.

"I was really looking forward to someone saying to me, 'How was your day, darling?' I hadn't heard that in many years, so I had forgotten how good it felt to have someone, really someone, to talk to - but a man to talk to was particularly nice,"

she continued.

When Johnny started asking for money, it was initially for help with his daughter's expenses. Kathrin had no children of her own and was thrilled at the chance to take on the role of mother - and Johnny assured her that she would repay her when they were finally all together for Christmas. Bypassing her initial doubts, she began sending money in the form of gift cards to help with various “emergencies ,” and by December 2020, she had sent $39,000. But the fairytale romance wouldn't last.

The Helga case

Helga also knows hundreds of victims of love scammers. Romance Scam Baiter ten years ago after she almost fell for a so-called romance scammer herself. Those affected publish their stories and pictures of the scammers in the forum. Between three and seven affected people report each day. Helga collects information to warn and help others.

And: She turns the tables and joins other women and the police in catching the fraudsters. The women invent fake identities and organize supposed money handovers. Then they or the police strike.

Romance scamming and love fraud are reaching a sad peak

A jilted lover is a story as old as time. But as the isolation of the pandemic has sent more people online in search of companionship, the stakes have grown. According to the US Federal Trade Commission, the combination of pandemic isolation, online dating and cryptocurrencies “a volatile combination for fraud .

Americans lost $1.3 billion to romance scams – a 164% increase from 2019 – and a total of $3.3 billion since the start of the pandemic .

And experts say the country's ongoing loneliness crisis has created the perfect opportunity for scammers to strike.

Since the early days of romantic relationships, scammers have found ways to take advantage of people by telling a compelling story. But with the rise of online dating, these scams have proliferated and evolved into more sophisticated long-term scams designed to gain victims' trust.

According to the 2022 FTC report, the most popular ways scammers reached victims last year were Instagram (29%) and Facebook (28%).

And as these schemes become more widespread and complex, the number of people falling for romance scams continues to grow. Last year (2022) 70,000 people reported being victims of a romance scam average loss of $4,400 . And that might just be the tip of the iceberg – the FTC (Federal Trade Commission – Consumer Protection of the USA) notes that because the vast majority of scams are not reported to the government, “these numbers represent only a small fraction of the public harm reflect” .

The reasons for the rapid increase

While the pandemic has certainly added more fuel to the fire, America (as well as many European countries) has long had a simmering loneliness problem that has made it easier for romance scammers to rip people off for years. Looking back to 2018, a Kaiser Family Foundation that one in five Americans reported always or often feeling lonely or socially isolated. Among teenagers and young adults, the prevalence of loneliness was reported to have almost doubled between 2012 and 2018.

Loneliness is a fairly consistent factor in various types of fraud. Psychological validation is a human need and these scammers do a lot of validation and psychological conditioning in their favor.

And while the “loneliness epidemic” has been building for years, the COVID pandemic has further fueled the problem. A recent Harvard survey of American adults found that 43% of young adults reported an increase in loneliness since the onset of the COVID crisis. "taken more than a few minutes" in the past few weeks to ask how they were doing, in a way that was helpful to them made you feel like you “really cared” about the person.

Even now that the world has reopened, virtual chats and video meetings an integral part of dating culture , leaving the door open to scammers.

survey conducted in 2022 , 82% of people had experienced loneliness or social isolation at some point, and 20% felt lonely on a daily basis. Among those who have felt lonely, 29% said they feel more vulnerable to a romance scam . And 17% of people who often feel lonely or socially isolated said they would continue talking to someone even if they were suspicious of their motives.

In principle, anyone can become a victim, but psychological vulnerabilities, particularly depression and anxiety, increase the risk of financial exploitation.

If loneliness the “why” for the rising number of romance scams, then crypto the “how . Based on reports filed with the FTC, the No. 1 payment method for romance scams last year was cryptocurrency . Crypto scams start similarly to other romance scams, but instead of asking for gift cards or wire transfers, the scammer convinces the victim to invest in cryptocurrency. In so-called “pig butchering” the victim is tricked into investing ever larger sums in fictitious currencies controlled by the fraudster (the pig is fattened). The fraudster then breaks off contact and flees with the cash (the pig is slaughtered).

In Germany, the absolute numbers are of course likely to be significantly lower in relation to the number of inhabitants compared to the USA. the increase in romance scamming and similar scams in online dating is likely to be similarly high. Here, too, increasing loneliness (especially in old age) is playing an increasingly important role in society. In Great Britain, a separate ministry has even been created to combat loneliness and isolation in society in order to counteract this worrying trend.

So, love scamming is a rapidly increasing threat that singles face on online dating platforms. It's important that we all protect ourselves and understand how romance scamming works and what we can do about it.

In this blog post I would like to inform you about the dangers of romance scamming and how we can protect ourselves from scammers so that we can enjoy love life

What is Romance Scamming?

Romance scamming is a form of fraud in which criminals pose as potential partners to gain the trust of singles and then fleece them financially. They often use fake identities and stories to emotionally manipulate their victims . This can lead to major financial losses and emotional trauma.

That's why it's important to protect yourself from romance scamming by, for example, not giving out personal information, being suspicious of unusual stories, and not making money transfers. Safety should always come first, especially when it comes to meeting new people.

Be careful and look out for warning signs to protect yourself from love scamming and romance scams.

A quick chat or a friendly message from someone you don't know - this is how so-called love or romance scamming starts harmlessly. The fraudsters use online dating platforms or social media such as Instagram , Snapchat or Facebook to find their victims and check the member lists there.

For many people, a quick online invitation to chat is the first step. In order to impress potential victims, romance scammers invent extraordinary life stories - and always appear absolutely serious.

Fraudulent men disguise themselves as engineers, architects, sociologists, designers in the oil industry, veterinarians, computer specialists or US soldiers. An attractive white person appears in the profile photos, but the images are stolen . Although the scammer claims to live in America or Europe, he is probably based in West Africa . However, victims do not notice this because the chat partners speak perfect English or use expensive translation tools for their emails.

Women who participate in scamming often disguise themselves as nurses, doctors, orphanage workers or as teachers, actresses and businesswomen of all kinds. If you check their photos on social networks or dating sites, they are usually super attractive.

But be careful - these pictures are often stolen or taken specifically for scamming. You'll notice this because the photo series show similar poses and clothes. Many of these women claim to be Russian, but they can also be from South America, Thailand, Africa or Europe. And all scamm women have one thing in common: they speak English, sometimes even German, completely perfectly.

How does the love scam work?

You've probably heard of love scamming - a scam where scammers pretend to be in love with you in order to scam you out of your money. But how exactly does it work?

First of all, fraudsters specifically look for victims on dating platforms or social networks. They create fake profiles and pose as attractive, wealthy people. Once they gain your trust, they begin to manipulate you emotionally. They write you romantic messages and build a relationship with you.

At some point they will ask for money - be it for an alleged emergency or to come to you. As soon as you transfer the money, they often disappear without a trace. It is important to realize that these scammers are very skilled and often work on their scam for months. That's why you should always be skeptical if someone gets too close to you too quickly on the Internet.

Both male and female scammers manage to penetrate their victims' daily lives and become indispensable without ever having a meeting. They start with romantic emails in the morning, short phone calls at lunchtime, and long chats or phone calls after work. In the beginning it's not about money, but about career, family, love and a shared future . They often tell stories about deceased spouses and children .

If the scammers are not yet in West Africa, then they urgently need to go there for business or family reasons. They promise to visit their new love afterwards. But shortly before or after booking the ticket, difficulties arise: robberies, stolen or confiscated passports, hospital stays after car accidents or problems with credit cards. Victims are asked to send money via cash transfer (e.g. Western Union or MoneyGram).

Love is always emphasized in these begging emails. Sometimes the scammers also contact their victims as “doctor”, “policeman” or “relative” to exert even more pressure. They often go so far as to announce their suicide just to get the money.

Fraudsters are currently particularly interested in foreign identification documents. They often ask their victims to send passport and passport copies to open an account together, which allows them to create fake IDs. Invitations to Germany to support a visa application are also very popular.

In other cases, victims are asked to cash African checks and money orders into their bank accounts because this is allegedly not possible in West Africa. The victims are then supposed to transfer most of the check to West Africa via cash transfer via MoneyGram or Western Union and only keep a small remainder for themselves. However, these are return checks and the account holders are responsible for paying them back. In the worst case scenario, victims face criminal charges for fraud.

Forwarding or storing small packages dropped off by a third party can also get victims into serious trouble. The contents of these packages are often paid for with stolen credit cards.

Scammers also often pretend that they cannot pay for the plane ticket for a meeting in Germany. There are also costs for the visa or visa issuance, as well as a so-called PTA or BTA, an alleged fee to the government without which you supposedly cannot leave the country. However, this fee does not officially exist.

Trust your gut and be careful with personal information and money transfers. If in doubt, always consult a person you trust (e.g. your best friend, sister, etc.) who can give a neutral opinion about potentially suspicious online dating behavior. Under no circumstances should you keep your doubts to yourself, even if the step of consulting someone you trust can take some effort.

Typical forms of love scamming

Sometimes on the way to the happiness you hope for, you first have to pay in advance to scammers. The fraud method, which became known the Nigeria Connection state and federal police crime prevention authorities inform:

Cheating with fake love

Love or romance scamming is particularly insidious and involves a lot of emotional stress for those affected. The fraudsters specifically search for potential victims on online dating sites or social networks. As soon as contact is established, they shower them with expressions of love and attention in order to ultimately take the money out of their pockets.

The alleged partners pretend to be in financial difficulties, be it due to an alleged business trip to West Africa or an urgent operation on a child or relative. Stolen suitcases or passports as well as unpaid bills are also used as a pretext to get the unsuspecting victim to deposit money.

At this point, many of those affected are already emotionally dependent on their Internet partner and transfer the requested money.

Special case: fraud with false identity (soldier)

The fraudsters disguise themselves as US soldiers deployed abroad who currently have no access to their own money. They ask for help via Western Union or MoneyGram and promise to pay the money back.

To build a more personal relationship, they sometimes have phone calls on cell phones or Skype without a picture in English. The cell phones are often prepaid cell phones where the owners cannot be traced.

Fraud with false promises of money

An old trick of the Nigeria Connection is promising a lot of money through emails, letters or faxes. For example, through an inheritance or a family treasure . But in order to receive the money, the fraudsters first demand thousands of euros for fees, notary costs or taxes.

If the victim pays, they will no longer hear from the scammers and the money will be lost forever. Fraudsters are currently using postal mail again to pass off their criminal activities as official.

Scamming with housing offers

A great apartment at an absolutely amazing price – that almost sounds too good to be true, right? It is easy to fall for scammers, especially on online real estate platforms. The scam is usually the same: the scammers pretend to be English or American who have inherited the apartment that is being rented out. Or they say that they used to work in Germany and now want to rent out their old apartment abroad after changing jobs.

After you have paid the first rent and deposit by bank transfer to a domestic or foreign account or by cash transfer, the keys should be sent to you by DHL or an agency. If you don't like the apartment, the money can be paid back later. But you'll never get the money back, and often the apartment doesn't even exist or it belongs to someone else who doesn't know anything about the fraud.

Bad trick with your dream job

Scammers also lurk for potential victims in job advertisements in daily newspapers. They lure you with a supposed dream job that promises excellent pay and entices many people to pick up the phone. In most cases, the telephone number is the only contact option. After the first call, an application and CV will be requested by fax.

After a relaxed telephone interview, the job seems within reach. All you have to do is transfer a few hundred euros to the new employer for uniforms or work shoes. But as soon as the money is transferred, the supposed employer disappears as if by magic.

Rip-off with fake checks

In newspaper advertisements and on the web, fraudsters are looking for people who they can sell their fake checks on - and at first glance, it's totally legal. For example, they buy something from private individuals, but the check is often worth more than the car they bought or something like that. The deal is then that the victim sends the difference from their own account to the fraudster via cash transfer.

What's stupid is that even bank employees usually don't check such a fake check. The victim is then doubly smeared. Only after a few days does it come out that the check was a counterfeit - but the money has long since disappeared into dark corners. And as if that wasn't enough, the bank can also take legal action against the victim for fraud and such.

How can you protect yourself from romance scamming?

Here are some general behavioral tips to effectively protect yourself from love scammers and marriage fraudsters:

1. Be careful with online contacts. Don't trust everyone who tells you a romantic story and quickly wraps you around their finger.
2. Check your potential partner’s profile . If there are no photos or little information, it could be a fake profile. If you're unsure whether your online flirt is a scammer, you can search their name along with the word "scammer" in Google. There are often clues as to whether he is actually a fraudster. If you got a picture of him, you can also check it using reverse image search and get more information. To be on the safe side, use a separate email address for online dating or digital correspondence with strangers. This will help you avoid having to delete your main email address in the event of fraud.
3. Avoid revealing personal information . Do not reveal bank details, passwords or other sensitive information.
4. Only meet in public places . If you decide to meet your online partner in person, choose a public location and let friends or family know.
5. Trust your gut feeling . If something sounds too good to be true, it often is.

In addition to these general precautions, there are a number of features that will most likely help you identify and expose love scammers:

Recognize love scammers

When making contact: Scammers get email addresses via social networks or dating platforms. A short message in English inviting you to chat serves as bait. Since the crooks often use German email addresses, it is difficult to recognize that a fraudster is hiding behind the friendly lines. Be careful with chat names with strange symbols (e.g. percent signs) - such people often send malicious software in their messages.

When it comes to language: The scammers usually speak in good English. Experts estimate that around 95 percent of English-speaking contacts on German dating platforms are romance or love scammers. But there are also many who speak perfect German.

Regarding the pictures: Scam women like to lure their victims with attractive photos in which they are often scantily clad, while scam men often use pictures of men in uniform.

Regarding the content of the emails: Scammers shower their victims with long letters full of cheesy expressions of love after the first contact. They are easy to recognize by their exaggerated declarations of love. But there are also serious-looking emails that are intended to arouse interest. Scammers often want to find out everything about their victim: hobbies, ex-partners , children, friends and faith in God often play a role. Attention: The scammers quickly call their new partners “husband” or “wife” and plan a wedding. That's why the request for a visa or a joint account seems plausible.

For connections to West Africa/Russia/Southeast Asia: Whether you're traveling on business or need to sort out family issues, there are many reasons why you might travel to Nigeria, Ghana, and so on. Women are often seen as living in Eastern European, Southeast Asian or South American countries.

When it comes to money/visa requests, sending packages or letters, or shared accounts: There are countless reasons why someone could approach you for money. If you refuse to send money, scammers will simply look for other ways. This also includes counterfeit checks that are supposed to be cashed in Germany. There is currently a particularly strong desire for an invitation to Germany.

Here the fraudsters not only want to live at your expense, but also want to continue to be active on behalf of the Nigeria Connection. They even manage to cleverly exploit you for their own purposes, for example by having you forward letters or packages to third parties. Scam women often beg for invitations to Germany. Fraudsters often pretend to want to open a joint account with you and ask for copies of your ID. This data is then used for passport forgery.

Clear warning signs to watch out for

1. Real photo or too good to be true? Romance scammers often provide photos that may have been stolen from many places on the internet, be it professional websites or someone else's social media profiles.
2. Attentive or controlling? Scammers tend to establish constant contact and encourage you to keep the relationship secret and trick you into communicating with them outside of the dating site, e.g. B. via email, telephone or instant messaging.
3. Obsessive or obsessive? Cheaters are likely to fall in love with you very quickly and express strong feelings for you after a few conversations. They will work hard to make you conform to their feelings.
4. General or endearing? Scammers often use scripts and are in contact with more than one victim at a time. They may avoid using your name and instead use general terms of endearment like “sweetheart,” “sweetheart,” or “angel.”
5. Consistency or errors in language and story: Your profile on the internet dating website or social media site may contain spelling and grammatical errors and may not match what they tell you.
6. Available or removed? Many avoid meeting in person and have a variety of reasons why they cannot meet, such as: B. because they work abroad and cannot travel. They can also give reasons why they can't even show themselves on a video call.
7. Financially stable or in crisis? At some point they will initiate a crisis that means you will have to help them financially, e.g. B. Helping with medical expenses, a sick relative, paying for materials or tools for their business, travel expenses, or avoiding persecution. It may even mean that they make you complicit in their cheating.

Tips to avoid becoming a victim of a romance scam

1. Conduct conversations using the messaging service of (reputable) dating sites until you are sure the person you are talking to is who they say they are and you have met them face-to-face in a public, safe place
2. Be alert to inconsistencies in stories and be suspicious if they don't appear on camera and can't meet in person.
3. Research as much as possible about the person you are speaking to. You can use search engines to check that the profile picture of the person you are talking to is not linked to someone else.
4. Talk to other friends and family you trust about your online dating experiences and relationships. They may discover something you don't know about your new love.
5. Don't isolate yourself from your friends or family. Tell people you are in an online relationship and share information. Cheaters often try to make it a “secret” between the two of you and isolate you from family and friends.
6. Only accept friend requests on your social media channels from people you know and trust.
7. Never send or receive money from someone you have only met online and not in person, especially to fund something unrelated to your relationship.
8. If the person is not honest, end contact immediately.
9. If you've already sent money, contact your financial institution and the police for help and advice - save anything that could be used as evidence. More information will follow in the next section...

What to do if you've been scammed? A short recommendation for action

If you are contacted by a scammer, you should ignore their demands and never transfer money or cash checks . You should also not forward or keep any letters or packages. If possible, you should immediately reverse any payments you have made.

To secure evidence , save all emails and chat texts on a storage medium such as a cloud service, external hard drive, USB stick or CD-ROM. Save transfer receipts and have computer-savvy friends help you read the email header.

If you are unsure, contact the police to preserve all evidence. File a police report to block the perpetrator and cut off all contact.

It is also advisable to use a new email address and telephone number to protect friends and contacts in your own email address book.

How can you support those affected?

When someone falls into a romance scamming trap, it can be very stressful. As a friend or family member, it is important that you are supportive and understanding. It's important that you don't judge or blame the person.

Instead, you should help her understand the situation and support her as she tries to get out of the trap.

Another way to support those affected is to encourage them to cooperate with the police or other authorities. The perpetrators can often be difficult to catch, but any information those affected can provide can help protect others from similar scams.

It is also important that you remind those affected that they are not alone. There are many other people who have fallen victim to romance scamming .

There are also many organizations that specialize in helping victims of fraud. You can help them find and use these resources. Overall, it's important that you support those affected by romance scamming by listening to them, encouraging them to cooperate with authorities, and helping them find resources.

Finally, it is equally important that you be patient and give them time to recover from the emotional distress.

Important information and contact points for help with romance scamming:

• The nearest police station
• State and federal police crime prevention (information sheets and brochures for download)
• Romance Scam Baiter Forum and self-help with information on the topic
• Violence against women helpline from the Federal Office for Family and Civil Society Tasks
• Advice from consumer advice centers
• Regional self-help groups
• Advice & help through Watchlist Internet (for people in Austria)

Conclusion

When it comes to online dating, security is key. We've talked a lot in this article about how romance scammers operate and how you can protect yourself from them.

But despite all the precautions, it can happen that you become a victim of fraud. In this case, it is important to act quickly and seek help.

So the bottom line is: Be careful, but don't let the fear of romance scamming stop you from meeting new people. There are many honest and kind people out there who are looking for love just like you.

With a few simple steps you can protect yourself from scammers and make online dating safer.

So, good luck and happy swiping!